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Band 5

Social media is gradually replacing in-person face to face contact with many people worldwide. Do the benefits of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #face #contact #people
It is widely accepted by
people
 that
technology based
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technology-based
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 tools are almost
inseparable
Correct article usage
an inseparable
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 part of human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In
this
 regard software which is capable of sharing data plays an important role and is like an obstacle
visiting
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to visiting
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 in person. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss why using social
media
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more beneficial despite having some drawbacks. On the one hand, some believe that applying these sorts of gadgets
hinder
Correct subject-verb agreement
hinders
show examples
people
 from visiting their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones in person and it
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 many families to be separated naturally and see each other only occasionally and virtually.
For instance
, a son living in the vicinity of the parents
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 the chance to call them only rather than walking there in actual.
Also
,
people
 overuse their cell phones because of social
media
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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provides
variety
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a variety
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 of information which leads to some spine or backbone diseases.
Overall
, using social
media
 isolated the families
along with
 some disorders it
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
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 about.
On the other hand
,
people
 cannot ignore the great amount of the benefits that social
media
 presents. It simply facilitated many things.
For instance
, a person who wants to visit their loved one in another country does not need to travel to
destination
Correct article usage
the destination
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 anymore, what they need is a simple video call. It
also
 facilitated things, by creating groups where
in
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apply
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students or working groups are the
member
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members
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 and can be present at the right time in order to conduct special work. If it was not for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
, it would not be
this
 easy to send or receive data online. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I argued the benefits of utilizing social
media
 from different aspects and mentioned some general disadvantages of it. In my point of view,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
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 it
makes
Verb problem
creates
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,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of using
this
 facilitator absolutely outweigh the minor disadvantages that it provides which are somehow inevitable.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, ensure to address the prompt more directly and comprehensively. Expand on how the benefits outweigh the disadvantages with more specific, detailed examples. Directly compare the negative and positive aspects in your argument to create a more nuanced and complete response.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more naturally. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and all sentences within it support that idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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