Some people believe that when people become old and need help financially, physically and mentally, young members of the family should be responsible to take care of them. Do you agree of disagree with the statement?

Some
people
think that when
people
reach the age
Change preposition
of
show examples
includes old person and struggle financially, physically or mentally, are in desperate need of
care
by a junior member of their family. Older
people
in the stage of poor health and have a lower budget need to be looked after by the latest family
members
. Others argue that living and taking
care
of their elderly may lead to a lack of courage in
teenagers
to be independent.
This
is because older
members
of the family may happen to have a lot of experience with life than young
members
and that leads to having control over the
teenagers
. One of the other causes is to have less
time
to spend on themselves.
This
means that they have to make sure that their elderly's health stays stable. The fact that
teenagers
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
less on themselves may cause a mental breakdown on
teenagers
.
This
means that they have a hard
time
living with their elderly. One other reason is that having to look after old
members
may cause exhaustion in
teenagers
. Meanwhile, some others believe that old
members
that
at
Add a missing verb
are at
show examples
the stage of oldness that they can not no longer look after themselves are in need of young
members
’ help. One of the main reasons for young
members
to take
care
of their elderly is to be able to spend the majority of their
time
with them.
This
is because nobody knows when they will rest in peace, and
this
is why
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
number of family
members
put younger on the duty of looking after them.
This
is because they happen to spend less
time
with their elderly. Some
people
believe that when a family member turns old, they need to be looked after and in need of taking
care
of their budget,
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
illnesses. From my point of view,
teenagers
must help their elderly out in any situation that affects their older
members
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction clarity
To improve your essay, focus on creating a stronger, clearer thesis statement in your introduction. Clearly state your position regarding the topic to guide the reader through your argument.
support and development
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing specific instances or scenarios will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
paragraph structure
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from one to the next, leading the reader seamlessly through your argument.
conclusion development
Consider including a conclusion that summarizes your key points and reinforces your position. This will provide a satisfying closure to your essay and strengthen its overall impact.
grammar and syntax
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and professionalism. Varied sentence structures and correct grammar usage are essential for a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legally binding
  • Ethical obligation
  • Morally responsible
  • Familial duty
  • Financial burden
  • Public healthcare
  • Social services
  • Undue strain
  • Emotional toll
  • Resentment
  • Deteriorate relationships
  • Caretakers
  • Community support
  • Government programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!