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Band 7.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
It is true that there are rich varieties of
music
 styles in the world,
music
 of which, is absolutely an essential component of human culture
due to
 multiple reasons. In my opinion, traditional melody is more important than international
music
 in modern society. Our entire life is accompanied by
music
. In childhood, our parents and teachers taught us how to sing, as a method of learning languages, or an enjoyment only. Children like singing with others, which seems to create a relationship among people who join, no matter how old they are. With age growing, our
music
 preferences change, and we will regard the tune we like as part of our lives.
Music
 expresses and evokes emotions in a speechless way. In conclusion, life without
music
 is unimaginable. In my view, traditional
music
 should get more attention than international
music
 which has become popular in the world. Popular pieces are usually of good rhythm and fun, but they per se are commercial products sold by merchants.
In contrast
, traditional melody shows the cultures, customs and histories of countries. Traditional
music
 styles,
such
 as classical
music
, connect us to our past, which composes our sense of culture. If international popular songs become so widely welcomed that
this
 national
music
 vanishes,
then
 it will be a real pity. In a nutshell,
music
 is an important part of human existence, which has many different types and each of them has its own meanings and histories. In my view, traditional
music
 is valued more than international
music
.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, providing more specific examples to support your arguments would enhance your essay. Examples of traditional and international music you refer to could provide clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structures and eliminating minor grammatical errors to improve the overall clarity and flow. For instance, instead of 'music of which, is absolutely,' you could say 'which is absolutely an essential.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs and a strong conclusion. The introduction sets the stage effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, and the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next. The connection between traditional music and cultural identity is well articulated.
task achievement
You have covered all parts of the task effectively, discussing both the need for music and comparing traditional versus international music.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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