Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #say #people

Along with

the development of social media and all kinds of platforms, individuals have more

interation

Correct your spelling

interaction

with celebrities

however

some of them are recognized by their wealth o prizes

instead

of achievement. In my perspective,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

issues like that will be hazardous for youth, especially for the adolescent. On the one hand, there is no doubt that stars possess

dramtic

Correct your spelling

dramatic

public influence, the majority of them are

ranking

Wrong verb form

ranked

show examples

the top one in their

carrer

Correct your spelling

career

, like Messy,

worldwide

Correct article usage

a worldwide

show examples

excelent

Correct your spelling

excellent

football sporter, as can be seen, his achievement like

champion

Add an article

a champion

show examples

in football is the prominent factor to appeal public.

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

his experience and hardworking spirit had inspired

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

generation Y any

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

show examples

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

his

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would

result

Add the preposition

result in

result from

show examples

waves between fans like the donation of property to

whom

Correct pronoun usage

those who

show examples

needed

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

help.

On the other hand

, the

milleneam

Correct your spelling

millennial

millennium

precise more

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

commercial worth of

Correct article usage

the influencier

show examples

influencier

Correct your spelling

influencer

influence

rather than their achievement, which

inevitablely

Correct your spelling

inevitably

leads to the

persuition

Correct your spelling

persuasion

and speculation

Change preposition

show examples

social

statues

Correct your spelling

status

show examples

and

priviledge

Correct your spelling

privilege

. Take Venezuela as a vivid example, a large

amount

Change the quantifier

number

show examples

of teenagers in

this

country are reluctant to finish

pulsory

Correct your spelling

compulsory

education but

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

participate

Change preposition

in an

show examples

array of

beaty

Correct your spelling

beauty

contest

Fix the agreement mistake

contests

show examples

due to

being a champion can provide them

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

better living standard and a stunning future.

To conclude

, young people are

nuclear

Correct article usage

a nuclear

show examples

columne

Correct your spelling

column

columns

of social development, they should be cultivated

for contributing

Change preposition

to contribute

show examples

to the construction of

country

Correct article usage

the country

show examples

and public character should

asume

Correct your spelling

assume

their onus to right value to the next generation.

Submitted by futaommy on Tue Feb 27 2024

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

237 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

celebrities
glamour
wealth
achievements
dangerous
young people
idolized
aspire
materialistic
impressionable
personal growth
meaningful
goals
hard work
dedication
intellectual pursuits
positive impact
platform
parents
educators
role models
guiding
inspire
reach their full potential

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Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think this has bad effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. Do you think public speaking skill is really important? Give reasons. Some people say public speaking should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?

Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be care about it?