IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to broaden young people's understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What other measures do you think might be effective?

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Some
people
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 argue that encouraging young adults to visit foreign
countries
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 is the most effective method to expand young adult's perspective.
While
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 travelling overseas can be beneficial for young
people
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, it is not sufficient and not always accessible for them. I agree that travelling can be one of the best methods to expand global views.
However
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, it should be complemented by other methods,
such
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 as
by
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apply
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volunteering in refugee
centres
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 and getting exposure to global issues
trough
Correct your spelling
through
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 media sources. Travelling to other
countries
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 can help young
people
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 to expand their
horizon
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horizons
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 because it pushes young
people
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 beyond their comfort zone and gives them opportunities to learn new languages, customs, and different ways of thinking.
This
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 benefit of overseas travelling is widely recognized in many
countries
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.
For example
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, many young
people
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 often from
western
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Western
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countries
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 take a gap year after completing high school to travel outside their home
countries
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.
As a result
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, it can increase young
people
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's awareness and sense of independence, which can help them make better life decisions.
However
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, overseas travelling may not be always accessible or sufficient for all young
people
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. There are other measures that could be considered to replace overseas travelling. The first one is volunteering in migrant services/
refugees’
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refugees
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centres
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 in their home country. In Australia,
for example
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, many
migrants
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migrant
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 service
centres
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 serve multicultural populations. In these
centres
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, volunteers are offered opportunities to practice and learn about different traditions, cultures, and refugees' life stories. Through their involvement, volunteers can cultivate multicultural appreciation and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of empathy which can break stigmas and raise an awareness of challenges faced by marginalized communities. In summary,
while
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 travelling abroad can expand young
people
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's worldviews, it may not be affordable and sufficient for everyone. There are other means to replace it
such
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 as volunteering at local refugee
centres
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 in their home country which can
also
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 yield the same results.

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relevant specific examples
Enhance your argument by providing more specific examples that directly support your points. For instance, in discussing the benefits of traveling or volunteering, integrate personal anecdotes or quantifiable results seen in communities.
logical structure
Maintain a clear and coherent structure throughout your essay. Use transitional phrases to smoothly navigate from one idea to the next, ensuring that your argument flows logically from introduction to conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
To further enrich your essay, consider a wider variety of perspectives and analyze potential drawbacks or challenges associated with your proposed solutions. This demonstrates critical thinking and a more in-depth understanding of the topic.
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