IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Few young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study and work in cities. What are the reason? do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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Nowadays, careers
plays
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play
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 an essential role in our lives.
Also
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, a number of people especially youngsters prefer to relocate to urban areas not only for facilities, but
also
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 to study or work in the best companies.
Although
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, we have a host of pros about
this
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argue
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argument
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 some cons can not be overlooked. On the one hand, youngsters leave
from
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apply
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rural areas
to
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for
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 urban operations
due to
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 the fact that in huge
and
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apply
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metropolitan
cities
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 we have numerous facilities.
For instance
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, you can move easily by public transport
such
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 as bus, subway, etc.
In addition
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, if you get sick, you have a lot of hospitals with perfect doctors and nurses.
For example
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, in my country the folks who live in the village or countryside
they
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apply
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refuse to have good hospitals.
Consequently
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, if they
may
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apply
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get some illnesses, they ought to move to the
cities
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.
Moreover
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,
cities
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 have a host of schools and universities with various lessons. So, if you were in urban areas, you would study in number of lessons or courses whatever you want.
For instance
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, the people who live in the villages or rural operations
they
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apply
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do not have scientific lessons for pupils. So, students do not have opportunities to select
courses
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the courses
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whatever
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that
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 they want.
In addition
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, in metropolitan
cities
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, employers can choose good companies because in big
cities
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 you can hire perfect companies.
Also
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, you have a good income and salary in your jobs. So, you can solve your financial problems if you have and you can fulfil your needs and supply whatever you want.
On the other hand
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, in huge
cities
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, you can see some pollution
such
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 as air or sound pollution
due to
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 the population
while
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 individuals who live in the countryside do not have these problems.
Moreover
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, the people who want to leave their homes
they
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apply
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should live alone and perhaps they will have some mental illnesses if they do not bond with their families or friends. In conclusion, we have some merits and demerits
about
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to
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this
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 argument
it is clear that
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 we have a number of drawbacks to
this
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 phenomenon but in the point of my
view
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view,
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 those problems
have
Verb problem
are
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 not extremely significant.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay adheres to a clear and logical structure. Start with an introduction that clearly states your opinion on the topic, follow with body paragraphs that discuss reasons and examples, and conclude with a summary of your views. This enhances readability and understanding.
task achievement
Make sure all parts of the question are fully answered. You should explain reasons why young people leave rural areas and also discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Clearly state your view on whether advantages outweigh the disadvantages in your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by linking ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words or phrases to show relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect or contrast.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. General statements are helpful, but detailed examples make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic opportunities
  • higher salaries
  • career advancement
  • quality education
  • urban areas
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • modern living standards
  • independence
  • vibrant social life
  • cultural diversity
  • technological advancements
  • internet services
  • migration
  • brain drain
  • population density
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