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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The cost of flying has decreased significantly over the last decade. This has made oversea travel much more accessible. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

#cost #decade #oversea #travel #trend
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In the contemporary era, it is becoming more affordable to travel to many destinations because of the drop that occurred in flying ticket prices.
This
 essay will suggest that the opportunity for improving one's life and discovering other cultures are the foremost benefits, and demonstrate that the increase in the immigration rate and the fall in salaries for
this
 sector careers are the primary drawbacks.
This
 topic has many pros which relate to having numerous chances to have a better life and discover the world.
To begin
 with, Loads of people desire to enhance their lifestyle and dream of receiving a convenient wage, so reasonable flight prices can let them decide where they can start their dream without spending too much on commuting from their homeland.
Additionally
,
this
 decrease can help folks who love travelling to discover other cultures and traditions by travelling to other nations easily.
On the other hand
, we can not neglect the shortcomings that are limited to the movement of many citizens to other countries to settle in and the drop in travelling jobs wages.
Firstly
, when travelling becomes easy, that means a huge amount of people will have the ability to travel to other territories that face perfect circumstances.
Thus
, they will decide to live there and that will harm their countries.
Secondly
,
this
 may cause a decrease in pilots' and flight attendants' salaries because the profit percentage will increase
due to
 passengers' desires, so airline companies will prefer to provide a small proportion of the income as wages to earn more money as they can, and that may be hazardous for their employees.
To conclude
,
this
 trend has certain merits relating to improving one's life and learning more about other countries. The downsides of it involve a high immigration rate and tight salaries provided for staff.
Therefore
, it should be considered carefully.
Submitted by mariameissa23 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to avoid reorganizing the paragraph structure without strong reasoning. Group closely related ideas together to improve logical structure. Add transition sentences for better logical flow.
task achievement
Expand and provide more specific examples and evidence to further support the main points. Specific case studies or statistics could enhance the depth of analysis.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the trend, providing a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
A clear and effective introduction and conclusion are present, providing a framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a good flow with coherent progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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