IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In some place old age is value, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#place #age #value #cultures #youth
Nowadays, some
people
 think that old
age
 is valued or forgotten and in other
cultures
Add a comma
cultures,
show examples
youth
 is more important
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 it. In writer, will talk value of old
age
,
youth
Correct word choice
and youth
show examples
age
 and give my opinion.
Firstly
, old
age
 or talk with name is “ancient tradition”
that is
 hobbies are thought for after generations. Have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 value for hobbies like
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 tradition in more
last
Correct word choice
recent
show examples
 years,
make for
Verb problem
and making
show examples
people
 living now know about old knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 studied by very old grandparents. Do not have
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 for that knowledge and now
people
 must save and teach for a lot of
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. Turning to
youth
 in other places,
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
 in over the world are growing about technology
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
 many housework or social work. Have more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 in
that
Change the word
their
show examples
 hobbies but will make most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 become
absent-mined
Correct your spelling
absent-minded
show examples
, they will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not take care of
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
 and
that is
 very dangerous for
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. In my opinion,
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
age
 or
youth are
Verb problem
young
show examples
 still
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
show examples
 but
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
age
 will grow better than
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 but have some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 friendly between other
people
. Each save and grow well will delete many problems
appear
Correct pronoun usage
that appear
show examples
 in social. In conclusion, old
age
 has a value very important but
youth
 has knowledge that
make
Verb problem
will
show examples
 develop
for social
Correct word choice
society
show examples
 in the future so
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 problems will have different solutions and different
grows
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction improvement
Ensure your essay begins with a clear introduction where you paraphrase the question and state what the essay will discuss. This sets a strong foundation for the following arguments.
paragraph development
Develop your paragraphs with a single main idea, supported by examples or reasons. This helps the reader follow your argumentation more easily.
use of linking words
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more cohesive.
use of examples
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the reader.
language improvement
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary. This not only makes your essay more engaging but also shows your language proficiency.
conclusion improvement
Clearly express your opinion in the conclusion, summarizing the main points of your argument. Make sure it is consistent with what you have discussed throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: