IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that history has little to teach us about today while others think that the study of the past helps us to understand the present. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #history #study
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When it comes to
history
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 and its importance in present, there are differing opinions on the matter. A few
people
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 believe that
history
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 provides very limited lessons about
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
.
Whreas
Correct your spelling
Whereas
, the other part
pf
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of
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group
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the group
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 thinks that
past
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the past
show examples
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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 us to
comprehend
Wrong verb form
comprehending
show examples
today
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's situation.It is
importany
Correct your spelling
important
 to explore both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides of the argument to gain a comprehensive understanding. In
this
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 essay, both
the
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apply
show examples
views will be discussed followed by my opinion. Admittedly,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
past
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the past
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 in understanding the present doesn't
comes
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come
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 without limitations.
One
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 of the reasons why it is not
much
Rephrase
very
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 relevant is the social, technological,
Correct word choice
and economical
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 advancement which has been achieved during the passage of time.
Person's
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A person's
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 needs, capabilities and many aspects like these
contradicts
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contradict
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 we had in past.
Therefore
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, taking
history
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 as a basis for making
today
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's world might not be the right thing to do.
For instance
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,
people
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 in
history
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 did not have expenses like Internet
bill
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bills
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, mobile bills or subscriptions
of
Change preposition
to
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 OTT
platform
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platforms
show examples
.
Thus
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, we cannot study
budgeting
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the budgeting
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 of
today
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's
youngster
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youngsters
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 with a young lad in 1960.
Furthermore
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, technology has changed things drastically at social,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and personal
level
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levels
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. Modern problems related to society cannot be solved using the data from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.
Neverthless
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Nevertheless
, despite
above
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the above
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 drawbacks, I believe that we can still make use of
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 in the present.
One
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 major argument
favoring
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favouring
show examples
this
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 is
people
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 and their emotions. Even though their needs,
standard
Correct word choice
and standard
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 of living
has
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have
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 changed, it did not have
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 impact on how
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 thinks, feels and reacts to certain things. We can
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 use the former knowledge about human psychology to understand
today
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's
people
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. It may not be accurate but will help researchers a lot in
study
Add an article
the study
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 of
today
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's community.
Also
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, the lessons from
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apply
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the
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apply
show examples
history
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 relating to management, budgeting,etc can be used in
today
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's world with little improvements.
Although
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, the face of
today
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's problem may be different
ffrom
Correct your spelling
from
 yesterday. But it is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 at the
center
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centre
show examples
. To cite an example, Emperors in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
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 managed their army very well. We can use their lessons to create
today
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's strategy for human resource management. After considering
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of the debate, I find the arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of using
past
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the past
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 to understand
present
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the present
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 more compelling.
While
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 there are other points made by
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, I firmly believe that the former
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
offers considerations that
outweighs
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outweigh
show examples
 the
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the present has changed a lot from yesterday,
history
Use synonyms
 still assists us largely in understanding the current situation.
Submitted by nidhi.neil on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The body paragraphs should each focus on a specific point, supported by examples or explanations.
task response
Make sure to directly answer the question posed in the prompt in your introduction and reiterate your stance in the conclusion for clarity and reinforcement of your position.
coherence
Use paragraphing effectively to separate ideas and create a logical flow throughout your essay. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the idea or point you will discuss.
support
Enhance the support for your main points by including more detailed examples and explanations that are directly related to the prompt. This will help to make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
language
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable lessons
  • insights
  • root causes
  • current problems
  • past mistakes
  • repeating
  • generations
  • informed decisions
  • irrelevant
  • unique
  • contemporary solutions
  • technological advancements
  • thorough understanding
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