IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reason for this, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#levels #youth #crime #cities #world #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been acknowledged that violence and offence are drastically escalating among
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation in urban areas throughout the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss two related reasons including lack of control by
parents
Use synonyms
 and insufficient
rules
Use synonyms
 and fines for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 committed
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will
also
Linking Words
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 two
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as strict
rules
Use synonyms
 and regulations
along with
Linking Words
 some family restrictions. Majority of the
families
Use synonyms
 and governments are not putting forward strict
rules
Use synonyms
 either at home as a small family or in
society
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 scale. There may be considerations from
parents
Use synonyms
 and governments toward
children
Use synonyms
 and citizens since they do not intend to intervene in their affairs in order to provide freedom for family members and
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 may think that if they have limited
children
Use synonyms
 they would not have gained enough self-confidence in their life and
this
Linking Words
 gradually leads to potential opportunities to commit crimes.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 that
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
rules
Use synonyms
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to violence in
society
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 both factors
derives
Change the verb form
derive
show examples
 from inadequate regulations in communities. To overcome
this
Linking Words
 flaw, strict
rules
Use synonyms
 can be introduced both for younger
children
Use synonyms
 by
parents
Use synonyms
 and city dwellers by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. The more discipline
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 regulated in
society
Use synonyms
 the better obedience will be conducted by people.
Likewise
Linking Words
, these
rules
Use synonyms
 can be set upon
children
Use synonyms
 in
families
Use synonyms
 to some extent. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
show
Correct pronoun usage
that show
show examples
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 rate of
crime
Use synonyms
committing
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
 in countries with
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
show examples
 set of laws. Even some
parents
Use synonyms
repot
Correct your spelling
report
show examples
 high obedience
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 when regulations exist at home. All in all,
rules
Use synonyms
 play
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a preventive action in emerging violence and
crime
Use synonyms
. In summary,
this
Linking Words
 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 about main reasons
of growing
Verb problem
for the growth
show examples
 in
crime
Use synonyms
 including
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
set
Add an article
a set
show examples
 of
rules
Use synonyms
 both in
families
Use synonyms
 and
society
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 solutions
such
Linking Words
 as more restrictions either at home by
parents
Use synonyms
 or in
society
Use synonyms
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In my opinion, if someone or a government want to control the people, they should set strict
rules
Use synonyms
 first before any other disciplinary action has been taken.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more structured essay with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single idea. Use transition words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure you fully address both parts of the prompt. Develop your ideas more thoroughly with specific examples and ensure you discuss both reasons for youth crime and a wider range of solutions.
Task Achievement
Incorporate relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge to support your points. This adds depth to your essay and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: