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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while others say that they should think more realistically about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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There has been a debate on whether youngsters should have the freedom to select the career they desire or whether they should be more realistic with the choices that they make and the effects of those choices on their future.
This
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 essay agrees with the second
group
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 on young people being more careful and will discuss both groups’ points of view.
To begin
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 with, the first
group
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 believes that only young people themselves are aware of their own interests and thinking twice about the decisions that they have made would only mislead them on their path.
For instance
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, they indicate that many successful individuals throughout history had the freedom to choose the path they liked.
Furthermore
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,
according to
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 research by Manchester University, the majority of successful business owners said they decided which career they liked in their youth and were free to choose.
However
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, the other
group
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 have a different way of thinking.They tend to show that each person’s mindset is different from others and
due to
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this
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 reason, giving examples of other people is meaningless.To illustrate
this
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, all my friends and I have our own separate thoughts and had different experiences when we decided
our
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on our
show examples
 future work fields.
Moreover
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,from those who turned out to be happy about their decision, many of us thought realistically when making our choices
while
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 some of us did not. In conclusion,
although
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 the first
group
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 gives good examples, it is important to remember that not all of us have the same background and mindset.
Therefore
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, we must be careful as a young person when we think about our future.

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task achievement
Expand your examples to make them more specific and relevant, which could help strengthen your argument and provide clearer illustrations of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help with the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points further - consider covering fewer points in more depth rather than many in less depth, as this allows for more detailed discussions which can help clarify your ideas.
task achievement
Also work on having a clear stance throughout your essay, and reflect this consistently across all parts to strengthen your argument and make your opinion more evident to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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