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Band 3

Schools have a limited amount of money to spend.some people suggest that it should be spend on good teachers,while others say it should be spent for buying equipment like computers. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#schools #amount #money #people #teachers #equipment #computers
Budget
Add an article
The budget
A budget
show examples
that is
 allocated to
schools
 ,is limited to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many aims. Some
people
,including me,
demostrate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 that the
money
 should be spent on inviting well-educated
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
,
whereas
, others offer to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 facilities like
computers
.
While
schools
 have
restrict
Change the verb form
restricted
show examples
volume
Add an article
the volume
show examples
 of
money
 as
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
, some individuals
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 that managers of
schools
 ought to
devoted
Change the form of the verb
devote
show examples
 that
money
 to
eqiupt where
Verb problem
everything
show examples
 they can
such
 as
computers
.
However
,either
computers
 or any kind of technology do not have meaning unless they have a trainer to show the instructions.
Although
, many
people
 are able to buy
such
 amenities, can they claim that
teachers
 are not
requiered
Correct your spelling
required
? body 2; As
Correct article usage
the
show examples
limited budget
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is allocated to
schools
, some
people
 offer that it should be contributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 well-educated
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
. It is reasonable that recruiting expert
teachers
 can outweigh developing
computers
 since
whithout
Correct your spelling
without
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
teachers
,facilities
such
 as
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 does not seem to be useful. I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that if
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
teachers
 were hired,
schools
 would not need high-tech amenities. As far as the
money
that is
 devoted to
schools
 is restricted, many
people
 claim
rthat
Correct your spelling
that
 it
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
 be spent on equipment.
Nevertheles
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, facilities,
such
 as
computrers
Correct your spelling
computers
, can not be useful without training,
Hence
, Spending
money
 on recruiting expert
teachers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 strongly reasonable.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to enhance the logical structure and flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
While your essay attempted to discuss both views, it's crucial to develop each perspective in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting examples. This will improve task achievement by making your response more complete and clear.
Language
Focus on improving your grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Errors and limited vocabulary can undermine the clarity of your ideas and arguments.
Task Response
Consider including specific examples or real-world scenarios to support your points more effectively. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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