In many parts of the world, water sources are becoming more polluted. discuss the problems and the solutions

#parts #world #water #sources

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The fact that the level of

pollution

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water

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sources is growing in many places on our planet is well known and does not require argumentation.

This

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causes many subsequent problems. In

this

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essay

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essay,

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I plan to look at them and possible solutions.

Firstly

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, in my opinion, the most significant cause of

pollution

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among others is the mining industry. To clearly illustrate

this

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, in my country there are a number of

such

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industries, and after

them

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them,

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polluted mountain rivers are left in the

environment

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Obviously

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Obviously,

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we need natural minerals in

further

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manufacturing processes, but I truly believe that we need to keep the

environment

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clean, especially our

water

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sources. To do

this

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, every company that can negatively impact the

environment

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must follow certain safety rules,

such

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as filtration and proper recycling of industrial

waste

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Secondly

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, another important reason, unfortunately, is again related to human activity. Needless to say, household

waste

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, pharmaceuticals and personal care products contribute to

water

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pollution

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For example

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, I recently heard about a factory that dumps plastic

waste

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directly into the surrounding mountain forests. As a solution, I might consider regulatory legislation that would impose penalties for improper spending.

In addition

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, the education system should educate people to be responsible towards the

environment

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. We all live on the same planet and must take care of it. Having considered the above, I would like to summarize that the main cause of

water

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pollution

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is numerous manufacturers with their improper

waste

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disposal

system

Fix the agreement mistake

systems

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. Appropriate laws and regulations must be applied to manage

this

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Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on Thu Feb 29 2024

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Task Achievement

For Task Achievement, further detail specific examples and data to support your arguments. While you provided good illustrations, enhancing them with real-world statistics or studies can strengthen your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve Coherence and Cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Utilize phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' to create a more fluid connection between your ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, try to diversify your sentence structures more. While your essay is well-structured, a greater variety in sentence construction can enhance readability and interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

industrialization
untreated waste
agricultural runoff
pesticides
fertilizers
pharmaceuticals
microplastics
marine life
stricter regulations
sustainable agricultural practices
wastewater treatment facilities
public awareness campaigns
advanced technologies
pollutants

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In many parts of the world, water sources are becoming more polluted. discuss the problems and the solutions

Your opinion

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smart phone outweigh the disadvantages.

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying products (such as cellphones) or services (medical treatments) do you agree or disagree?

Some people arque that it is more Important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life, Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.