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Band 3

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching another planet to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #earth #people #money #planet
Many
people
 believe that they have to fund
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research to find another
planet
 because it is getting harder to stay on
this
planet
 in the future. I disagree with that opinion because the first one
people
Add a missing verb
is people
show examples
 cannot live on another
planet
 and the second one is better to save
money
 for survival rather than save for that. Fundamentally, it is legitimated that
people
 cannot live on other planets.
Whereas
people
 know that
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
 that they already live and grow in there which is the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
For instance
, scientists have already found out in their project that
people
 cannot live on Mars because there is no Carbon dioxide there.
Therefore
, they have to adapt to the
Earth
. Another reason is saving
money
 for living on the
earth
. Where
people
 have to think about the best way to survive. Because humans are already destined to live on
this
planet
.
Hence
, they possess more
money
 for their needs.
To sum up
, many
people
 have to deal with the situation even though getting harder than before rather
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research because
people
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 live on the outside of the
earth
 and the best way is
keep
Change the verb form
to keep
keeping
show examples
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 to focus on what they can do rather than move to
other
Change the wording
another planet
other planets
show examples
planet
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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