Nowadays, many people spend more and more time going to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others believe that it has some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is widely believed that lots of citizens spend
time
working or studying with a bunch of tasks, and it has sparked heated controversies that many people claim
it has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a detrimental impact on our daily lives. I totally disagree with that viewpoint for some reasons below. On the one hand, working or studying around the clock has demerit points which require us to have high concentration on it.
In other words
, we do not have
time
for personal life and family values,
that is
the reason why we usually observe the distance between each family member nowadays.
As a result
, the generation gap has been one of the difficult issues which lead to various cases of stress, which occur in families.
Besides
, we have to solve paperwork at the workplace or homework at school which puts pressure on us. In fact, it has plenty of cases of suicide in the world
due to
financial pressure and
study
pressure,...
Consequently
, the global prevalence of anxiety and depression become huge problems
such
as physical distancing and national lockdowns,...
On the other hand
, travelling
time
to work or
study
has a positive part which we can achieve higher outstanding performances. In detail, high proficiency has a tendency to lead to an increase in the income of workers, and from that the financial condition of households will be better.
Consequently
, the development and inclination in GDP will be witnessed obviously, which maintains the sustainability of a nation.
In addition
, spending hours working and studying brings a great extent to sustainable development goals. As a matter of fact, we are living in an era in which changing quickly and enormously, we have to adapt and struggle to go
further
in future. So, the best way for these issues is to work,
study
and create core values for our country.
As a consequence
, the next generation will receive more conveniences and comforts. In conclusion, even though travelling
time
to work and
study
has some drawbacks, I am of the opinion that working and studying around the clock is positive for our lives since the inclination in income and the sustainability for a nation.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay properly addresses *all* parts of the prompt, giving balanced treatment to both views before providing your opinion. Your essay leans more towards outlining the negative impacts, which may make your argument seem unbalanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your points clearer to the reader.
Task Response
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to strengthen your main points. Doing so will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
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