It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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A debate has erupted about the value of taking

risks

Use synonyms

in professional and personal life by human beings. I advocate that there are benefits of

such

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more than the adverse results of being in a comfort zone. Innovative and creative ideas come from

people

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who valued to take a chance

although

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, there are many individuals who lose their financial resources to scams and

also

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their lives. Most

people

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who changed lives with their innovative ideas had to take

risks

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. Some like thought that it would be good to have email and telephone and they took

risks

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in creating it, with no knowledge if it would be welcomed by the community.

Thus

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society

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was able to use the iPhone because Steve Jobs decided to take a chance in creating it. There is

also

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evidence that creative ideas come from most individuals who believe that risk-taking is worthy. In 2000, Elon Musk took a risk to create an electric car when his competitors just thought of it as an idea; Today, Telsa car is the leading electric car in the market whilst older brands are starting to catch traction in electric vehicles.

Although

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there are benefits as listed above,

people

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have lost financial resources. Taking

risks

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is considered a gamble and some individuals have lost financial resources to scams

as a result

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of trying to take risky opportunities.

For instance

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people

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with disability have been scammed by

society

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as they believe that investing in Bitcoin may provide them with higher returns. Another adverse result coming from taking

risks

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was a person ending their life. Most

people

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lost their lives as they could not accept the consequence of losing all their life savings to an idea they believed would work.

This

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has been evident in real estate agencies where elderly

people

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have put everything they have only for the company to be liquidated

while

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buyers were not aware. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the positives of risk-taking outweigh the negative outcomes because

firstly

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society

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has had the best innovation from risk-taking

people

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. Even though the community enjoyed the benefits, risky behaviour has resulted in the loss of important members of

society

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as they lacked the capacity to understand what is good and bad for them.

Submitted by caroloks on Thu Feb 29 2024

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Introduction Clarity

Ensure you clearly introduce your topic and thesis statement at the beginning of your essay. A clearer, more defined thesis statement would better guide the reader through your argument.

Paragraph Structure

Structure your main paragraphs clearly by using topic sentences that state the main idea directly. Follow these with examples or evidence, and then explain how this supports your overall argument.

Linking Words

Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Though your use is adequate, more sophisticated transitions could improve readability.

Task Response

Address the task directly and ensure that all parts of the prompt are covered. Your essay does a good job of this, but making your position and analysis even clearer to the reader could enhance your score.

Conclusion Strength

End your essay with a stronger conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your position more clearly, tying it back to the question prompt.

Supporting Evidence

Support your arguments with more varied examples and evidence. While you provide relevant examples, drawing from a wider range of sources or perspectives could strengthen your argument.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

373 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

fast food has become cheaper in recent years. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Directors of organzations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers. Some think it is necessary, while ther think it is unfair. Discuss both view and give your opinion.