IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should enrol equal numbers of male and female students in all subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

#universities #enrol #numbers #students #subjects
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The
gender
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 inequality is a
big
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bit
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 of an issue nowadays at the
universities
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. People claim that
universities
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 should be pressured to equally split the
avilable
Correct your spelling
available
 vacant applications among females and males in all majors. It is my contention that
although
Linking Words
gender
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 discrimination is a real thing that can be come
acrossed
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across
 in certain circumstances,
universities
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 must select their candidates
according to
Linking Words
 their IQ, logic and previous grades to make
judgement
Correct article usage
the judgement
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 process as transparent as possible. First and foremost, presently, a majority of international
universities
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 have now established a quantitative evaluation model in order to
chose
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choose
show examples
 the right people. Undoubtedly,
such
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 types of tools cannot be manipulated with
gender
Use synonyms
 intervention to satisfy the international agenda by validating more males or females.
Furthermore
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, at
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universities
Add a comma
universities,
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 majors like civil engineering and mechanical engineering are more prevalent
choice
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choices
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 among males,
while
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 human resources or teachers are predominantly occupied by females. I believe
attempt
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an attempt
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 has been made to equalize the number of male and female students is futile and cannot generate positive results in the long run.
Moreover
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,
instead
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 of trying to
balancing
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balance
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 numbers, we should concentrate our resources on how to
making
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make
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this
Linking Words
 subject selection process at
universities
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 more reliable and pragmatic for the potential candidates. Not only
this
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 is unfair to
the
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apply
show examples
worthy individuals but
also
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 it can yield outcomes that
maybe
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may be
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 detrimental to the societies.
For example
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, external interference in the application selection process could lead to the certification of unqualified engineers and teachers. These professionals are entrusted with a sacred duty to serve their communities, and their inadequacy could undermine the well-being of future generations. In conclusion, despite the fact that diversification is considered ideal across all university
diciplines
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disciplines
,
gender
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 significantly influences occupational choices
due to
Linking Words
 inherent biological differences.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt consistently throughout the essay. Your position should be clear throughout your response, with a more explicitly outlined argument in support of your opinion.
task response
Try to include more specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. These can help illustrate your points more clearly and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas and paragraphs more clearly using a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall structure of your essay by ensuring that each main body paragraph focusses on one central idea and is expanded upon with sufficient detail.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • stereotypes
  • workforce
  • discrimination
  • gender biases
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • humanities
  • underrepresentation
  • meritocracy
  • quotas
  • academic standards
  • qualifications
  • personal interest
  • enforced gender parity
  • dropout rates
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