IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, in many counties fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

#counties #people #teachers #schools
Nowadays, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become
teachers
, particularly in secondary schools.A general ago, teaching in a high school was considered an extremely well-respected and popular job. One of the main causes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is why do many people not want to work as a
teacher
 because one of the reasons is salary. We need to accept the fact that
teachers
 have very low salaries.
Then
 other professions like doctors. If
teacher
's salaries increased
then
 people who want to work as
teachers
 would work. Another reason is that the students in the class do not behave well. They do not obey the
teacher
 and do whatever they want in class. Because of
this
,
teachers
 get nervous. And
this
 behaviour of the students brings disrespect to the
teacher
's lesson. In conclusion, education plays a vital role in every society's development.
Therefore
, all students need to be told that if they do not study well, they will not see a good future. Nafisa
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more carefully by clearly dividing it into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to express the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' 'Therefore') to improve the flow of your essay and connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Respond more directly to both parts of the question. After identifying the reasons, ensure you also discuss potential solutions to the problem in more depth.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explanations. Use specific instances or data to support your points, making your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a more formal tone by avoiding colloquial language and ensure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: