IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Fast food is becoming one part of people’s daily life everywhere, and this has had negative effects on our lifestyle and diet. Do you agree with this statement?

#food #part #people’s #life #effects #lifestyle #diet
In
this
 contemporary era, every sphere of our life is changing dramatically, and
food
 is no exception. It is undeniably true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 international fast-
food
culture
 has become inseparable from everyone’s life and has had a detrimental effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
food
 habits and way of life. There are numerous side effects of junk
food
culture
.
Firstly
,
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dangerous impact on people’s health. These
meals
 are highly calorie contented and are rich in fat and salt which leads to obesity. As we know, obesity is the root cause of many other diseases
such
 as cardiac failure and diabetes.
Moreover
, children who are obese suffer from mobility and often fail to engage in sports and other activities which leads to mental distress and depression.
Secondly
, the easy access and affordability of these
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
 often
prompts
Change the verb form
prompt
show examples
 people to choose it over traditional
meals
. People no longer wanted to cook. The art of cooking is fading gradually.
Additionally
, unlike in olden times, people now often prefer having
food
 alone rather than spending time together at the dining table for
meals
.
This
 is because fast
food
 may not appeal to the elders as much,
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 do to
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation.
Whist
Correct your spelling
While
show examples
 fast
food
 is taking away our family traditions, it is
also
 wiping out our country’s traditional
culture
.
This
 will one day lead to the disappearance of
nation’s
Correct article usage
the nation’s
show examples
 identity.
Finally
, fast
food
 promotes use and throw
culture
. These
meals
 come in plastic containers which contribute to our growing garbage problem. Plastic being a non-degradable substance,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our environment and on human beings.
To conclude
, fast
food
 is definitely taking away our traditions and
culture
 and for sure
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative impact on our diet habits and lifestyle.
Submitted by sajnamandothputhiyaveetil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to enhance readability and cohesiveness. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Response
Try to develop your paragraphs with more specific examples or data. This adds depth to your arguments and supports your main points more effectively.
General Advice
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and work on sentence variation to improve the overall flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider linking sentences within paragraphs more smoothly to improve the logical flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: