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Band 6.5

Older generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thought and behaviour. Most people argue that these are not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#generations #life #behaviour #people
The older population often maintain some traditional ideas of
life
 , thinking and behaviour. There is a common belief that
such
 traditional ideas are not beneficial for the younger generation to adapt to today's modern world. I strongly disagree with
this
 concept. Traditional values are essential in many cases , they teach respect, provide useful
life
 lessons and help younger stay connected to their culture. Traditional views instruct the youths to respect others, especially elders, family and community members. Respect is an important value that supports us build good relationships with people,
creates
Correct word choice
and creates
show examples
 an atmosphere of kindness and understanding , like listening to parents or helping neighbours to make society more peaceful. Traditional opinions often teach younger people how to live a successful and meaningful
life
. These perspectives,
such
 as working hard , being honest and saving money have stood test of the time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are practical and relevant even today.
Life
 in the modern world is full of challenges, these lessons can help make better decisions.
For instance
, the value of hard work educates that success is not immediate,
whereas
 it requires patience and effort. Traditional approaches prepare young individuals to understand their roots and feel proud of their culture. When they follow age-old traditions, like celebrating festivals or learning family stories , they feel
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
closer to their history .
This
 connection builds confidence.
To sum up
, traditional views are not old fashioned , they are useful for every person and these values are important in both the past and the present.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples to strengthen your argument, especially real-life situations.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and directly states your position on the topic.
supported main points
Each paragraph has a clear main point and supports the main argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarises the main arguments and restates the position clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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