IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums charge for admissions while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admissions #people #admission
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In the contemporary epoch,
museums
 have different policies for getting admission or not.
This
 policy has several merits and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 downsides. In
this
 essay, both sides of
this
 issue are investigated and evaluated. On the
one
 hand, not only can the highlighted charge be spent on reconstruction of derelict parts of
museums
 but it
also
 may be spent on conservation of quaint or antique objects that are situated in
museums
.
Hence
,
this
 deed leads to the development of
museums
, culture, and customs of
one
 country.
In addition
, whenever
people
 pay money for something, they consider considerable importance for it. Actually, if individuals do not pay money to enter
one
 place, they assume the place is not as valuable as the other sites, which
people
 must pay to enter it.
On the other hand
, owing to economic problems that exist in some countries, many
people
 can not afford the entry fee of
museums
.
Thus
, they are not able to utilize these cultural facilities. So,
this
 issue hurts the unity of
one
 society.
In addition
, it is not fair for specific groups of
people
 to visit
museums
.
Moreover
, the free admission enables
people
 to visit
museums
 several times per year, not a mere few times a year.
Furthermore
, if the masses need not pay to explore galleries or historical buildings
then
 it would develop interest among them too.
Overall
,
although
 free entry has a few positive aspects,
this
 issue has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many negative aspects.
Due to
 the abovementioned items,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the disadvantages of free admission outweigh the advantages of
this
 policy.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This enhances the credibility of your argument and makes it more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical connections between ideas. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of charging people for museum admissions.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revenue stream
  • Acquisition
  • Enhance
  • Manageable
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic barrier
  • Cultural awareness
  • Fluctuate
  • Diminish
  • Strain
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