IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 current challenging environment surrounded by technologies and gadgets like cell phones and laptops, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 are utilising it
thus
Linking Words
 it is resulting in social disconnectivity. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the formers' point as it impacts
communication
Use synonyms
 among each other and
a
Add a missing verb
has a
show examples
negative effect on mental and emotional resilience.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The usage of gadgets has a lot of effects on students and employees from the information technology sectors. As cognitive ability is an inbuilt quality, there are a wide range of applications available through the market which take precedence over mental quality.
For example
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 are harnessing Artificial Intelligence for their projects, and to draft presentations which leads lack of
communication
Use synonyms
 among peers.
Thus
Linking Words
 these mediums act as a barrier
due to
Linking Words
 their prevalence.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the frequent usage of electronic items for entertainment,
people
Use synonyms
 become more addicted which results in mental instability in handling emotions and overcoming any situation when it is unfavourable.
For Instance
Linking Words
, Instagram and Facebook influence most teenage audiences which encourages them to post videos
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and images on social media. Unfortunately, if the posts receive any negative feedback these young minds are more prone to it. Since
communication
Use synonyms
 among others has been reduced these days they are left alone without any option to share with each other .
Hence
Linking Words
, it almost becomes impossible to revert back to the older state sooner.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though there are positive parameters available by using mobile phones and laptops, tabs and more to explore the constantly changing world, there are some serious issues
also
Linking Words
 associated with it as it affects
people
Use synonyms
 emotionally and mentally and results in poor
communication
Use synonyms
 among each other in the society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses the question prompt. Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction and consistently support your argument throughout the essay with relevant examples and detailed explanation.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by focusing on developing each point fully before moving on to the next. Use concrete examples to demonstrate your points, and make sure each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and to connect your ideas more effectively. This will help in enhancing the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within the paragraph are logically ordered. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and use subsequent sentences to expand on this idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Global connections
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Communication skills
  • Digital divide
  • Social networks
  • Virtual communication
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cognitive empathy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social isolation
  • Cyber communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
What to do next:
Look at other essays: