IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are argumentative notions heating a debate over
investigation
Add an article
the investigation
an investigation
show examples
 into family history or
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
generations
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that we should investigate their familial background, the opposite makes a statement that we should concentrate on current and upcoming
generations
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, conducting research into their family roots is necessary. Researching can help individuals gain a deeper understanding of their family tree and the traditions and values associated with their family in order to preserve these traditions and vocational skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, crafts
such
Linking Words
 as carpentry, pottery, and weaving serve as examples that should be preserved and passed down to future
generations
Use synonyms
 to prevent their disappearance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential that we look into their family history.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming features of investigating family roots
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 widely acknowledged, paying attention towards the present moment and future
generations
Use synonyms
 plays a paramount significant role.
This
Linking Words
 is probably because these are the individuals who can be present and provide
promptly
Change the adverb
prompt
show examples
 assistance when we encounter difficulties.
For example
Linking Words
, when facing financial troubles, parents, cousins, siblings and relatives are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who you can turn to for help.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these are the people you should focus on in the form of spending time looking after them and strengthening the bonds among the family members. In conclusion, both perspectives have merit, I believe that we should focus on present and future
generations
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence, maintain a consistent flow of ideas from beginning to end. Transition phrases can help bridge paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Consider adding phrases like 'This leads to...' or 'Furthermore...' between your paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
For cohesion, work on linking your ideas more tightly. Use pronouns, synonyms, and referencing words to make connections between sentences clearer (e.g., referring back to 'research into family history' with pronouns like 'this practice' in the following sentence).
Task Achievement
To elevate your task response score, make sure your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion for a stronger and more convincing argument. Use phrases like 'In my view...' or 'I firmly believe...' to make your stance unmistakable.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples and data to strengthen your argument. While personal anecdotes are valuable, adding statistics or historical facts can provide a more comprehensive and persuasive case.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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