IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #violence #media
The majority of people believe that brutality in social television can be one of the various reasons for the upturn in criminal youngsters. The author of
this
 essay disagrees with the viewpoint that the young who commit crimes are affected by other factors and that juveniles nowadays are always following bad behaviours without seduction. It is vital to understand that following bad behaviours is the personality of each youngster in the current days.
Due to
 the fact that the bad is easier to do than the good;
therefore
, the lawlessness percentage is increased with unavailable control.
Additionally
, the surrounding violent environment would affect the character of each clear-minded person. Case in point, the young purely see it as not difficult to commit misconduct and follow bad behaviours. Another key component of the case for the rise in juvenile misdeeds isn't caused by the attack on television is the side factor that can affect the misdemeanour quota. It should be self-evident that the family background might cause the bad to their mental health.
Furthermore
, all of the juveniles are in the school-ages the fighting in the school can
also
 harm their spirit.
This
 is supported by recent research by the FBI which found the effect from the things or people who are familiar with them most is higher than from the radio. In conclusion, the rise in the youth criminal amount is not attributed to struggle in publishing, it can
also
 be affected by side factors. So , the regulations should be stricter to prevent the upsurge of the criminal estimate.
Submitted by goodnight on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt. Present a clear stance on the issue and back up your points with specific examples or evidence. Expand on how your examples directly relate to the question.
Coherence
Improve coherence by organizing your essay more logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates back to the overall argument of your essay.
Cohesion
Enhance cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This helps your reader follow your argument more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a stronger conclusion, summarize your main points clearly and reaffirm your stance on the issue. Conclusions should echo the complexity of your argument, not introduce new ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: