Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that
students
must study
full-time until they turn 18 years of age. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement and in this
essay, I will explain why.
Firstly
, formal education will not help the student to learn practical skills
. On the whole, students
who pursue part-time education and simultaneously learn practical skills
like; Coding, Graphic designing, and website building tend to have more successful careers than students
who study
full-time. As an illustration, some studies reveal that Individuals nowadays who have skills
are able to get better career opportunities and high-paying jobs. For example
, in developing countries like; India, Nepal, and Pakistan young people
are fully dependent on their parents even for pocket money whereas
young people
from developed countries like; Australia, Canada, and the USA students
are able to manage their small necessities by themself because most of them learn new skills
and working part-time as well.
Secondly
, the young people
who work part-time and study
part-time tend to be more responsible towards the family and society. Responsibility teaches the people
best lesson in life, the fact is that students
from a young age who manage their work and study
respectively know the value of money and the pain of their parents and how they earn it. For example
, if an individual who
starts working part-time (10-15) hours a week they spend the money wisely and Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
will be independent in their life Correct pronoun usage
apply
whereas
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
who only focus on the
formal education and are dependent on their families tend to become irresponsible.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that young Correct article usage
apply
people
must study
part-time and start learning new skills
and work part-time which will help them in their overall
development.Submitted by sateezg on
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Task Achievement
Consider balancing both sides of the argument, even if you strongly agree or disagree, to fully meet the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow and coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate more real-world examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the tone of your disagreement, providing a clear thesis statement.
Supporting Examples
You have successfully provided examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, reinforcing the arguments made in the body of the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite