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Band 6.5

Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #criminals
It is a common belief that the personal
information
 of
criminals
 who have been convicted of violent crimes should be kept private.
However
, there is a persuasive argument that
this
information
 should be broadcast to the general public to safeguard
members
 of the
community
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand, some people say that making
criminals
'
information
 public is a short-sighted approach that can victimize innocent people. They believe that the
community
 may look down on the criminal's family
members
 based on their association. In fact,
this
 belief was realized recently when a student committed suicide after his father's criminal records were released. He could not handle the ridicule from
members
 of his
community
. The mistreatment of the boy's family was inherently unfair since they had stayed out of trouble and were not at fault for the crime.
Nevertheless
, announcing an offender's crimes can protect the
community
. By publicizing private
information
 about
criminals
, the repetition of crimes can be prevented.
This
 is because when criminal records are known,
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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 are able to keep an eye on the criminal's activity and report anything illegal or suspicious to the police.
Furthermore
, it can lead to better protection for more
members
 of society.
For example
, in the United States, a provision known as "Megan's Law" requires police to make
information
 about registered sex offenders available to the public. Because of
this
,
criminals
 are monitored more closely and there are higher levels of security
overall
. Ultimately, the average person is able to protect himself or herself more effectively through
this
 system. To sum it all up,
while
 it is apparent that some people feel that we should protect the privacy of violent
criminals
, it is undeniable that it is more important for their
information
 to be released to the
community
.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to strengthen your argument and provide a clearer personal stance.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on the opposing viewpoint in your essay to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences are directly related to it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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