IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

with the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more recources. to what extend do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #recources
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The world is becoming more dependent towards commodities that produce
energy
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,
such
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 as
oil
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 and
gas
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. To meet the increasing demands, it is often suggested that untouched areas should be explored to exploit the resources beneath them,
however
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 suggestion. First and foremost, digging
oil
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 and
gas
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 is the background of many ecological disasters and those activities have caused the rise of climate change. To illustrate, the city of Dumai in Indonesia is located in an area
that is
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 abundant in natural
oil
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, the exploitation of their resources has destroyed the wild forest in Dumai, resulting in the lack of oxygen and the death of countless lives. Taking note of that example, opening up undiscovered areas with the mission of producing more commodities will only exacerbate the problem and destroy our planet even
further
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.
Secondly
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, technologies have allowed industries and factories to replace traditional
energy
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 sources with cleaner energies to support the green transition.
For example
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, vehicles can now run on electricity, reducing their need for
gas
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 exploitation.
Furthermore
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, as our society is shifting into the new age of
energy
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, the demand for traditional commodities will naturally fall as people become more aware of the destruction they bring.
As a consequence
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, undiscovered positions can be preserved and left untouched as their natural resources are no longer needed.
To conclude
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, I disagree with the notion of opening unknown areas to take up their natural endowment.
Oil
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 and
gas
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 exploitation is known to bring destructive changes to our environment and nowadays, cleaner
energy
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 sources are available for mankind.
Submitted by satimanb on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the task more directly. While you have presented a clear stance, expanding on the global context and discussing potential counterarguments could enrich your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow between ideas. Use more varied transitional phrases to enhance the connectivity between paragraphs. Additionally, organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs for each main point can boost readability and structure.
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