IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that employee performance is a good way to measure productivity and efficiency. Others think that the number of customers shows the potential of a healthy company. Discuss both views and giveyour opinion

#people #employee #performance #measure #productivity #efficiency #customers #company #giveyour
Assesing
Correct your spelling
Assessing
 the
success
 and health of a
company
 can be a complex task that requires consideration of various factors. Some people believe that how employee work well is a good way to
asses
Correct your spelling
assess
show examples
productivity
 and efficiency,
while
 others argue that the
number
 of
customers
 is a better indicator of a
company
's potential for
success
. On the one hand,those in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of using employee performance as a measure of
productivity
 and efficiency argue that the quality of work done by
employees
 directly impacts the
success
 of a
company
. High-performing
employees
 are more likely to complete tasks efficiently and effectively, leading to increased
productivity
 and
overall
success
. By evaluating the performance of
employees
, companies can identify areas for improvement and implement strategies to enhance
productivity
.
Additionally
, measuring employee performance can help to motivate
employees
 to excel in their roles, leading to a more efficient and effective workforce.
On the other hand
,it seems to me that the
number
 of
customers
 is a better indicator of the health of a
company
. A high
number
 of
customers
 typically indicates that a
company
 is providing valuable products or services that meet the needs and wants of consumers.
Furthermore
, a large customer base can lead to higher revenue and profits, which are essential for the sustainability and growth of a
company
. By focusing on attracting and retaining
customers
, companies can ensure their long-term
success
 and profitability. Taking into everything
account
Change preposition
into account
show examples
,
While
 both views have valid points,it is my view that the
number
 of
customer
Change to a plural noun
customers
show examples
 is a better way to identify a
company
's potential for
success
Submitted by writingbhos on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Present your arguments, discuss both views thoroughly, and provide a clear, well-explained opinion. Use specific examples to support your points, making them more compelling and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your essay more logically. Start with a clear introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on one main idea, and conclude with a summary of your views. Use a variety of cohesive devices to smoothly connect ideas within and across paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: