IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society
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It is believed that there are many negative influences of social networking platforms and they may do harm to
people
 and society.
This
 essay agrees because they may lead to addiction and distraction and even impact the self-esteem and body image of individuals. With the development of social networking
sites
, a lot of
people
 spend longer time on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
instead
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reality nowadays. They attract
people
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
pop-up information and advertisements, so
people
 can’t keep their eyes away from them. The addiction to the Internet has deeply influenced
people
’s daily life, which distract them
to focus
Change preposition
from focusing
show examples
 on work or study.
For example
, a lot of young
people
 in China spend more than 3 hours a day
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Weibo,which is the largest social networking platform
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 China. It is a pity that they could have
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 the time
in
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apply
show examples
exploring their own hobbies. What’s more,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social networking
sites
 have a huge impact on how
people
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 themselves, which concerns
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their body
images
Fix the agreement mistake
image
show examples
 and self-esteem.There are many influencers, who post their
after makeup
Add a hyphen
after-makeup
show examples
 photos or
selfie
Fix the agreement mistake
selfies
show examples
 in the gym. Most of those photos are with filters and idealized, which could lead to unrealistic standards of beauty. It brings anxiety to
people
 and may cause damaging
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 like excessive
weight
 loss.There are a lot of girls in China losing
weight
 in order to reach unrealistic standards. Unhealthy methods of losing
weight
 or excessive
weight
 loss
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various health problems. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that social networking
sites
 have a huge negative impact on individuals and society, since not only some
people
 may be addicted to those platforms and they have become
Add an article
a
show examples
distraction for
people
,but
also
 the social networking
sites
 may cause self-doubt and unrealistic body image.
Submitted by kbyyzyqb on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Include more diverse examples from your own experiences or observations to strengthen the task achievement.
Task Achievement
Expand your argument with a wider range of examples and evidence. Make sure that your examples are detailed and directly support your argument to improve the relevance and specificity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Create a more cohesive structure by linking your ideas more clearly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but make sure they are fully aligned with the body of your essay. The conclusion can also summarize the main points more effectively to reinforce your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical flow of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates back to the essay question. Signpost your arguments to lead the reader through your essay smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
What to do next:
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