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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe it is a vital part of education. Discuss bot views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #schools #waste #time #resources #part #education #bot
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Whilst many people consider that paying attention to the main subjects in terms of money and time is more necessary rather than engaging in
sports
Use synonyms
 activities in
schools
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, others and I believe that it affects positively children’s physical health and education. On the one hand, children should try their utmost to study essential lessons
instead
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 of doing exercises because most exams which
students
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 take do not require any
sports
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 ability to pass them.
Sports
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 can distract
students
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 from focusing on their academic goals by wasting their time.
In addition
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, a tremendous amount of money the government spend on
sports
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 facilities can be allocated to other areas of
schools
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such
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 as libraries and laboratories.
For example
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, my county has provided most
schools
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 with these facilities by minimalizing the number of
sports
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 amenities.
However
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, it is true that
sports
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 activities contribute to individuals’ health condition, and attending these events at an early age can lay the foundation for joining them continuously in the future. To generate
this
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 motivation in children,
schools
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 may raise awareness about the benefits of doing exercise among juveniles or the authorities can take the responsibility to improve
sports
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 facilities in order to better opportunities for many
students
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.
Therefore
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, I believe
students
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 who engage in
sports
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 become more energetic and stronger than other classmates that have a favourable impact on their resistance and education. If
students
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 feel less tired and exhausted, they can easily carry out their tasks. In conclusion,
although
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 others think that
schools
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 do not educate
sports
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 as a lesson
due to
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 their distracting features, I consider teaching
sports
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 at school can encourage
students
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 to take care of their well-being and education.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your examples with more depth and specificity to strengthen your argument and provide clear illustrations of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly and logically to improve readability and flow. This could include the use of transition words or phrases that better connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. This clarity will greatly enhance your essay's coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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