IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is a controversial topic whether advertising has an impact on our purchasing behaviour or not.
While
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 some
people
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 advocate that exposing commercials excessively results in loss of interest, others believe that it is an effective method to stimulate
people
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 to purchase those
products
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. I am prone to believe the first opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss these two distinct ideas. On the one hand, being exposed to advertising everywhere has an irritating impact on
people
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. Promoting those
products
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 repetitively has an awful potential to reduce profits
instead
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 of create an increase.
For instance
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, I’ve never been prone to buy the
products
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 that I come across frequently, particularly somewhere I feel hectic
such
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 as tubes or metro stations. The things around us all the time lose their allure with each passing day.
This
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 case
valid
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is valid
show examples
 even
our
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in our
show examples
 personal lives. The
people
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 we encounter every day do not have any charm for us.
Therefore
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, sometimes the best method to gain
people
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’s interest might be giving them a space to look for their needs.
On the other hand
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, interesting advertising may have perks in terms of generating profit. To give an example, Apple’s advertising strategies make
people
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 engage with their
products
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. the mentioned company has always been
people
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’s priority. The main reason is their effective strategy which doesn’t disturb
people
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while
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 promoting their
products
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. Thereby,
people
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 always look forward to Apple’s innovations and their preferences have predominantly been Apple.
To conclude
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, In the advertising sector, striking a balance between being charming and not annoying is vital. so all in all, I agree with that statement solely to one extent.

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task response
Make sure to address the prompt directly and develop your thesis statement clearly early in your essay. While you have presented both views and your own opinion, a clearer, more direct thesis statement could make your stance more immediately clear to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by improving transitions between paragraphs and sentences. This can be achieved by using more varied and specific transitional phrases that explicitly signal the relationship between ideas.
task response
To increase the effectiveness of your argument, consider introducing more specific, quantifiable examples to support your points. This can include statistics, findings from studies, or more detailed real-world instances that directly relate to your topic.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and that this idea is clearly stated in the topic sentence. This will help your reader understand the main point of each paragraph and see how it contributes to your overall argument.
task response
Consider reviewing and refining your conclusion to more strongly summarize your discussion and clearly restate your personal stance, ensuring it clearly reflects the arguments made throughout your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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