IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the extensive use of computers in schools will replace the role of teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that using computers in multiple ways for
students
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 will serve
as
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apply
show examples
the
role
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 of
teachers
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 in the future. I completely disagree with
this
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 assertion.
To begin
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 with, it is hard for
students
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 to grasp precise
information
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 or knowledge through the
Internet
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. If
students
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 are educated by their
teachers
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, they can get accurate and useful knowledge directly, preventing them from being exposed to amiss
information
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 through the
Internet
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. They have no ability to distinguish right from wrong.
Therefore
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, the
role
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 of
teachers
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 is necessary
especially
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, especially
show examples
 at a young age.
For instance
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, many studies already have shown the drawbacks of getting
information
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 through the
Internet
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,
due to
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 being exposed to its harmful and obscene
information
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.
Furthermore
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, there is a limit to getting other important factors for life success by computers.
In other words
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,
teachers
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 play an increasingly important
role
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 in the formation of the brains of
students
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.
Teachers
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 can teach not only general knowledge but
also
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 social
skills
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.
For example
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, let’s make a scenario that there is a student who has
immpressive
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impressive
 academic
skills
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.
Although
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 the
Internet
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 can help him to develop his problem-solving
skills
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 and more, it may not be guaranteed that he will
succeedwithout
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succeed without
 social
skills
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. It is imperative for him to get along well with his nearby
such
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 as friends, family, neighbours and more. These
skills
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 can be taught solely by
teachers
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, resulting in a substantial help to children in schools. In conclusion, I firmly believe that being educated by
teachers
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 cannot be replaced with the
Internet
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. The
role
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 of educators is much larger than we think, so the
Internet
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 has to be merely a supplementary means in schools.

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Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples and provide a broader range of specifics to support your argument. This will enhance the depth of your essay and showcase a greater understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and including more transitional phrases to aid the flow of ideas. This not only improves readability but also demonstrates a higher level of language proficiency.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and effectively encapsulate your stance on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have provided a structured argument with clear main points that are supported throughout, demonstrating an understanding of the essay structure.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the hypothetical scenario of a student lacking social skills, helps in grounding your argument and making it more relatable.
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