IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Your next-door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: your reason for writing what you would like to happen a nice, respectful style

#neighbour #dog #night #reason #style
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your small dog that barks throughout the day and the night has disturbed my family's peaceful life. I can not sleep for a long time.
As a result
, I am sleeping
while
 I am working. After that, my boss gave me an extra task.
Moreover
, my grandmother
settles
Wrong verb form
settled
show examples
 down
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 my home, and she is in poor health.
That is
 why, she needs to relax for a long hour. My granny can not sleep because of your dog. I would like to suggest that you should hand over to dog house your puppy. In my opinion, where the workers treat it kindly. After a long time, when he is older, you will easily get it back. I think you understand me. Because my grandma needs a peaceful place. Please solve
this
 problem asap. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully, Samandar
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
A clear logical structure is fundamental. The letter should start with an introduction stating the issue, followed by a paragraph explaining the impact, a paragraph with a polite suggestion or request, and a conclusion. Using transitional phrases can help with flow and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point. The letter somewhat attempts this but could be improved by more distinct separation and development of each idea.
task achievement
To fully satisfy the task, it's important to directly address all parts of the prompt more clearly and concisely. While your letter addresses the issue and suggests a solution, it could benefit from a clearer expression of these points and more consideration of the neighbour's perspective.
task achievement
While maintaining a polite and respectful tone is crucial, the suggestion to hand over the dog to a dog house might come across as presumptive or insensitive. It is better to express concern and suggest working together to find a solution that respects both parties' needs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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