IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA.
The chart above shows data on three states in the United States:
California
Use synonyms
,
Utah
Use synonyms
, and
Florida
Use synonyms
. The chart displays information about age distribution, average
income
Use synonyms
 per person, and
poverty
Use synonyms
 rates. In terms of age distribution,
Utah
Use synonyms
 has the highest percentage of young people, with 28% of its
population
Use synonyms
 under 18.
Florida
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, has the highest percentage of people over the age of 60, with 23% of the
population
Use synonyms
 falling into
this
Linking Words
 category. When compared to
Utah
Use synonyms
,
Florida
Use synonyms
 has almost three times as many people over 60.
California
Use synonyms
 falls in the middle, with intermediate percentages of both young and old populations. In terms of average
income
Use synonyms
 per person,
California
Use synonyms
 has the highest value, with an average of $23,000.
Florida
Use synonyms
 follows closely behind, with an average
income
Use synonyms
 of $22,000,
while
Linking Words
Utah
Use synonyms
 has the lowest average
income
Use synonyms
 at $17,000. The difference between
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
 is only $1,000.
However
Linking Words
, despite having a high average
income
Use synonyms
,
California
Use synonyms
 has the highest rate of
poverty
Use synonyms
, with 16% of its
population
Use synonyms
 falling below the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Utah
Use synonyms
, despite having a lower average
income
Use synonyms
, has a better
poverty
Use synonyms
 rate, with only 9% of its
population
Use synonyms
 living below the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line, compared to 12% in both
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words california, utah, florida, income, poverty, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disparities
  • correlate
  • socio-economic factors
  • demographic
  • economic prosperity
  • variance
  • indicators
  • social welfare programs
  • economic development
  • policy-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays: