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Band 5

Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

#competition #university #development
High
education
 institutions now are constructing strict policies towards
students
Change the noun form
student
show examples
 admissions.
While
 others may point out the negative impacts due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 pressure caused by alleged "unreachable criteria", in
this
 essay I will discuss the certainly positive impact that
this
meassure
Correct your spelling
measure
 provides to
prospect
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prospective
show examples
students
 due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 cultivation of ambition in young minds,
as well as
a the
Choose an article
a
the
show examples
 creation of a high steemed cohort of future makers.
The access
Correct article usage
Access
show examples
 to higher
education
 is a privilege, one that must be earned by hard work and dedication.
Thus
,
this
 criteria steers
students
 into maximizing their efforts in order to reach the goal of accessing the world of
high standard
Add a hyphen
high-standard
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education
.
For example
, Ivy League universities
such
 as Harvard,
Princenton
Correct your spelling
Princeton
 or Yale, are recognized
by
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for
show examples
 their low rate of admissions (around 4 to 5
percent
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per cent
show examples
) since their
education
 represents a non-comparable chance to study in one of the best universities
of
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in
show examples
 the world.
Therefore
, their requirements are based on
competences
Correct your spelling
competencies
show examples
 and skills gathered by extraordinary
students
, that have earned themselves the merit of studying in
such
 institutions. The limited amount of opportunities
prompt
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prompts
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students
 not only from America
,
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apply
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 but from around the world to go the extra mile in
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to meet
such
 criteria.
Moreover
, selection processes are meant to outline reputable and admirable candidates, that would become important members of
society
 in the near future. Thoroughly selection process often signifies quality, and educated members of
society
 who have
traspassed
Correct your spelling
trespassed
such
 elements in order to reach their goals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would pour their whole mind, heart and dedication into transforming the
fabrics
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fabric
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 of
society
. A
well selected
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well-selected
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 cohort, equals in most cases, a
well select
Add a hyphen
well-select
show examples
 group of
oustanding
Correct your spelling
outstanding
 professionals. To illustrate, young graduates from reputable institutions
such
 as Oxford or Harvard, are usually positioned with a high regard in
society
. Without
doubt
Correct article usage
a doubt
show examples
, in the majority of cases are the ones that make
exel
Correct your spelling
exceptions
 in non-comparable advancements in
society
. In conclusion, admissions processes may represent a barrier for many
students
. Whatever the drawbacks
this
 could signify to certain people; the positive remark and development that
this
 kind of measure has
guarantees
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guaranteed
show examples
 a selection of cohorts of
an underscoring
Correct the article-noun agreement
underscoring students
an underscoring student
show examples
students
, that will forge and become
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 professionals that would change and benefit in many ways, the
society
 of today.
Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on

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Task Response
It's essential to directly address the question asked, discussing both the positives and negatives if required by the topic. While your focus on the positive aspects is clear, incorporating contrasting views or acknowledging potential drawbacks would provide a more balanced response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph, will improve clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the central argument of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay. While you’ve demonstrated good structure, varying your connective devices beyond 'Moreover', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' can improve readability and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Incorporating specific, detailed examples can strengthen your argument by providing evidence to support your claims. While general references to Ivy League universities are good, detailing specific programs, policies, or case studies could offer a more compelling argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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