IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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The curiosity of
science
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 is a desire in mankind because it plays a vital role in aiming for beneficial life improvement. Many people nowadays are better than in the past because of advanced development in the scientific field of information technology, computer
science
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, machine and artificial intelligence etc. More and more innovations have been developed to help people from personal life to communication worldwide. I think
science
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 is a two-shape sword. I do agree with the idea that
science
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 should be used for the benefit of human beings.
Science
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 covers many fields variety from medicine to computer
science
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. Since humans invented the compass in China, explorers did not lose in the sea or forest. They understand the earth's magnetic field can be made the pointer always points to the north and south on the other side. They can trace the prayer more easily than before. Their livelihood at survival rate
hence
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 in the forest was increased.
That is
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 one of the sciences aiming to improve living.
On the other hand
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, if
science
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 is not the aim of improving humankind
such
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 as nuclear bomb invention, we have to be in a disaster. The dictator wishes to extend their territory to invest in other countries. They asked scientists to help them develop a harmful weapon to deteriorate adjacent cities. We are totally lost in revenge and hateful because of individual ambition. I think
science
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 skills should not be used by dictators and selfish people. At least, I think development in
science
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 should be on the good side
such
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 as improving the quality of human life rather than war. I hope that we can make a law to protect the usage of
science
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.
Submitted by lawrencechan20 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs with more detailed examples to fully support your arguments.
General
Review grammar and punctuation to avoid small inaccuracies that can distract from your message.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view with arguments for and against the statement.
task achievement
You effectively used examples from history to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure, including both an introduction and a conclusion, makes your essay cohesive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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