IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and eletric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

#cars #fuels #eletric
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In the modern era, electric vehicles are becoming more famous
between
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among
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 people.
While
Linking Words
 some groups believe they should completely replace gasoline ones, I disagree
that
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with that
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 and think both of them
has
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have
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 their own upsides and drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, advocates of electric
cars
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 tout their many advantages. They are a lot more environmentally friendly than diesel ones.
Hence
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, they can help different nations in order to reduce air pollution and increase the healthcare of their residents. China,
for example
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, was one of the most dangerous countries for sensitive members of
community
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the community
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 because of its terrible air quality. But, it invested more money
on
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in
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 electric transportation and now it is the country with the most machines on the road using electricity.
Additionally
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, electricity is a renewable source of energy. That means governments will have no
concers
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concerns
 about its quantity and
next
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the next
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 generations can use it as well. Despite all
benefits
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the benefits
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 of electric
cars
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, diesel
cars
Use synonyms
has
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have
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 the edge over them
in
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to
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 some extent. Gasoline is so much easier to put in the
cars
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 and so, It can save tons of time for consumers.
While
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,
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apply
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 electric automobiles need several hours to get fully charged.
For example
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,
Tesla
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the Tesla
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model
Capitalize word
Model
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 3 requires 5
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
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 to get fully charged but
this
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 is about ten minutes for
perol
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petrol
 means of
transportations
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transportation
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.
In addition
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, vehicles which use petrol as fuel usually live longer than other ones. Because they're just made of metal. But electric
cars
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 use dangerous reactions to make a source of energy which can reduce their lives.
To conclude
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, the controversy about whether fossil fuel transportation should be completely banned
remaines
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remains
remained
 heated between different groups of
community
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the community
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. I believe a blend of fossil fuel and electric automobiles can
more
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be more
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 beneficial for both us
an
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and
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environment
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the environment
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 and each person should choose which one he/she wants.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Task Response
Try to clearly present your stance in the introduction and consistently maintain it throughout the essay. Your position seems somewhat neutral, which might affect the clarity of your argumentation.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your points. While you mention a few examples, such as China and Tesla Model 3, elaborating on these or adding more would strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on making your essay’s structure more cohesive by using linking words and phrases more effectively. This will help in smoothly transitioning from one idea to another.
Language Use
Consider using a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and richness of your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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