Some people believe that oleder people should be retained at work as long as they are still healthy. However, others say that they should retire and enjoy their time.
Typically, healthy older people who face retirement are compelled to weigh whether they should continue working or step down from their profession.
Although
some scholars recommend that they should retire, other experts, as do I, argue that retaining their working activities indeed bears many benefits, notably in terms of productivity and for the family.
Fit old-age seniors are far from unproductive; by contrast
, they can be considered experts since they are experienced. They have undergone many binds appearing at the worksites and highly understand what should be prepared and performed to complete tasks in their expertise. Consequently
, not only will they work effectively, eventually benefitting the employers, but they will also
normally be moresensitive
to avoidable mistakes. It is justified by a study conducted by Harvard Business School that found that rarely do companies that employ Correct your spelling
more sensitive
more
older workers make substantial errors that may harm the company's cash flow. Fix the agreement mistake
apply
Therefore
, concerning productivity, older workers without health issues are preferable for companies and customers.
Granted, sending people approaching their hill to the worksite seems relatively inappropriate. Apart from their physical vulnerability, they deserve to take advantage of their pensions with their beloved
ones, considering their limited time available. Older workers who never have a holiday with their family, whether immediate or extended, Correct your spelling
loved
for example
, can start to see one. However
, if that is
the reason, retiring seems not the best choice as their family members cannot be available every day. Indeed, if the family members can accompany the retirees every day, it shifts the burden to the person who becomes the caretakers
. By keeping these seniors working, not only will productive ages focus on their jobs and not get barred by their Fix the agreement mistake
caretaker
parents
or grandparents' artificial issues, but Change noun form
parent's
parents'
also
the seniors can get meaningful meetings on weekdays or holidays.
To conclude
, despite seemingly violating a long tradition on
retirement, considering the impact on the economy and family, brimming their activity with productive routines Change preposition
of
appear
more beneficial for the healthy elderly.Correct subject-verb agreement
appears
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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest. While the essay is well-structured, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence forms can improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
To improve clarity and the comprehensive presentation of ideas, consider elaborating further on how retaining older employees benefits employers and the broader economy beyond avoiding mistakes. Expanding on these benefits with more detailed examples or data could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth. Using more transitional phrases or sentences can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
While the essay provides a good response to the task, those ideas could be expanded upon to directly address potential counterarguments more thoroughly. This includes a deeper exploration of the societal and personal impacts of retirement versus continued employment for older individuals.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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