Some believe that it is a natural process for animal species to become extinct and therefore, there is no reason to try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that it is not necessary to save
animals
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from extinction because they will die eventually.
This
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essay completely disagrees with
this
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statement because they play a significant role in biodiversity and help fight climate change,
thus
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people should keep their existence.
To begin
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with,
animals
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are important for biodiversity. They play a crucial role in providing balance in the variety of life on Earth. Humans need
animals
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to survive, insects are necessary for plants to bear fruits, and so on.
That is
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to say, every living thing works together in order to protect the ecosystem and keep the population alive.
For example
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, bees are necessary for pollinating plants.
Thus
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, it ensures that plants will be able to produce food to feed humans.
Thus
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, it is necessary to prevent
animals
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from extinction because
this
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can disrupt the Earth.
In addition
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to that,
animals
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help fight the effects of climate change. Animal species can help capture and store carbon dioxide in the environment.
As a result
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, it helps regulate the temperature
that is
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suitable for life.
For instance
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, whales feed plankton with their faeces and help them thrive. These planktons help capture 40% of carbon dioxide on the planet.
Thus
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, there will be a significant consequence for humans and the ecosystem if the animal kingdom becomes extinct. In conclusion,
while
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it is a natural phenomenon for an animal to die, we must prevent them from becoming extinct because they play an important role on the planet , especially in maintaining life and weather changes.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent logical flow throughout your essay. Your essay has a strong overall structure, but some paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, hence, consequently) to link your ideas more effectively. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Focus on providing a clear response to the essay question in the introduction. Your stance should be immediately clear to the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with a variety of examples and explanations. While you provided relevant examples, more could be added to strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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