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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

it is argues that mobile phones/gadgets have no space in classrooms. agree or disagree?

#phones #gadgets #space #classrooms
In the modern era, mobile devices play an important role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 some people say that these cutting-edge devices should not exist in the classrooms. I disagree with
this
 statement and the passages below prove that.
To begin
 with, mobile phones
are offer
Change the verb form
offer
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 numerous educational resources and apps that can
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 learning.
For example
, they facilitate access to online libraries, educational platforms, and interactive learning applications. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
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 students to access a wealth of information
beyon
Correct your spelling
beyond
 textbooks.
Besides
, mobile gadgets help create
the
Correct article usage
apply
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group chats and forums which can be utilized for discussion,
assgnment
Correct your spelling
assignment
 sharing and feedback. In short, it promotes a cooperative learning environment.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 it still has some aspects
such
 as distraction which is a major concern because students may focus on social media or games
instead
 of the lesson.
This
 can disrupt not only the individual's learning but
also
 that of their peers. As the reasons I mentioned above mobile phones have many benefits in the classroom despite some minor disadvantages .But most of I think
this
 can completely set some rules so that these devices are appropriate for the classroom.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure you address all parts of the task fully. Your essay does well to present a clear position, but you could enhance it by providing more specific examples to support your arguments. Consider including real-life scenarios or statistical data that demonstrate the educational benefits of mobile devices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, presenting ideas in a logical sequence. To enhance this further, focus on improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow. Additionally, be mindful of typos and grammatical errors, such as in 'phones are offer numerous' - this should be 'phones offer numerous'. Correcting these will enhance the reader's understanding and engagement with your text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensable
  • educational resources
  • enhance
  • facilitate
  • collaboration
  • cooperative learning environment
  • distraction
  • disrupt
  • academic dishonesty
  • plagiarize
  • cyberbullying
  • mitigate
  • productive tool
  • digital etiquette
  • responsible use of technology
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