IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.

#people #work #organization #life #organisations
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In contemporary times, the majority of employees intend to work for fixed corporations,
while
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 others assert that it is better to change jobs if needed.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the latter notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why individuals who insist on being loyal workers could be advantageous to a certain extent. First and foremost, it could guarantee the stability of staff's lives.
For example
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,
besides
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 their basic salaries, experienced employees could receive additional bonuses as a tribute to their dedication, which could help them easily cover their daily costs,
such
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 as accommodation, food, and bills.
Furthermore
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, taking part in only one firm could support workers to have successful career paths.
This
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 is because without worrying about the financial burden, members of the company could focus on studying a particular field more deeply, thereby not
leading
Rephrase
only leading
show examples
 them to become professional experts but
also
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 taking on higher positions in the firms.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that altering different organisations could have significant benefits. One rationale is that it could improve jobholders' wages. In fact, they are likely to be paid higher than their current payments when they change jobs,
thus
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,
this
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 is an opportunity to raise their incomes
as well as
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 the quality of their lives. Another justification is that new workplaces could provide a better developing environment. To be more specific, jobholders could find a suitable company that adapts their aims,
such
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 as broadening experiences, learning relevant job skills, and creating networking, which could play a role as motivators and satisfactory to encourage staff to work more efficiently. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that staying in the same enterprise for the whole life brings numerous valuable results, I would contend that entering alternative organisations is more beneficial.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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task response
Make sure to address the task directly and maintain a clear position throughout the response, ensuring that your essay directly answers the prompt given.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly by using logical connectors and appropriate paragraphing to enhance the readability of your essay.
task response
Include specific examples to support your main points, making them more compelling and comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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