prisons are an expensive way of making bad people worse to what extent do you agree or disagree

#prisons #people

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The question of whether elderly individuals ought to be taken

care

Use synonyms

of by the authorities has prompted a substantial debate.

Linking Words

While many

Correct word choice

Many

show examples

champion

this

Linking Words

, which from my perspective is the right thing, because the constitution mandates it, and they paid

taxes

Use synonyms

during their labour days. Others contend against

this

Linking Words

idea. Analyzing

this

Linking Words

factuality will give a comprehensive understanding of

this

Linking Words

subject matter.

Firstly

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this

Linking Words

is actually their constitutional right so should be upheld.

For example

Linking Words

, in Nigeria, old people are seen on the street begging because

leaders

Use synonyms

embezzled all the funds meant to take

care

Use synonyms

of the aged, which is against the law. Obviously, the elderly citizens would have been well taken

care

Use synonyms

of if not for the corrupt

leaders

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, it is the government's responsibility to cater for the retired folks and should be implemented.

Secondly

Linking Words

. they

also

Linking Words

paid

taxes

Use synonyms

to the authorities when they were still strong.

For instance

Linking Words

, Anambra state has the most effective operating system, because everyone that paid

taxes

Use synonyms

is completely catered for at retirement. Clearly, the state will not be able to function if people do not pay

taxes

Use synonyms

and the

leaders

Use synonyms

keep to their obligations.

Hence

Linking Words

, the

leaders

Use synonyms

should assume the complete responsibility of the retired group. In my opinion, the

leaders

Use synonyms

are obligated as per the constitutional law and by virtue of receiving tax contributions when they are young. In conclusion, the argument that the government ought to take

care

Use synonyms

of retired folks has sparked a considerable dispute.

Although

Linking Words

some advocate for

this

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, which in my opinion is better

due to

Linking Words

the law mandates it and that the elderly pay

taxes

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

they

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

working. Others challenge

this

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notion. examining

this

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fact has proved that it is the responsibility of the

leaders

Use synonyms

to cater for the retired citizens.

Submitted by Eby on Sun Mar 03 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay directly addresses the topic from the outset. In this case, the introduction should clearly state your stance on the specific topic about prisons rather than introducing a different subject. This aligns with task response and guarantees that your response is deemed complete and relevant.

Coherence & Cohesion

Develop clear and distinct paragraphs, each focused on a specific idea or argument related to the topic. It's crucial that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals to the reader what the paragraph will discuss. This will enhance the logical flow and structure of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Incorporate more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This would not only improve the flow of the essay but also make your argumentation more persuasive and coherent. Examples include 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'on the other hand'.

Task Achievement

To strengthen task achievement, make sure all parts of the prompt are addressed fully with comprehensive ideas supported by specific examples. Consider discussing both viewpoints, if applicable, before presenting your own opinion in a balanced and well-argued manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

296 words

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prisons are an expensive way of making bad people worse to what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

The Vital Role of Banking in Promoting Economic Growth and Development.

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!