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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries.

#breakthroughs #science #advances #world #society #two #centuries
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Over the
last
 two hundred years, some argue that there have been many changes to society in nearly all aspects of people’s lives. I
also
 consider that these significant changes can be observed in medical
science
 in terms of discoveries of vaccines and antibiotics and achievements in the development of complex
devices
 related to medical
science
.
To begin
 with, as other kinds of industries have witnessed great advancements,
also
 medical
science
 has been revolutionized. With the help of discoveries of vaccines and antibiotics to deal with the great diseases which happened in the history have saved a lot of people from death. These advancements have not only saved countless people’s lives but
also
 prevented widespread suffering.
Moreover
, advancements in medical techniques and
devices
 have transformed patient care.
This
 type of development in sophisticated medical
devices
 has improved diagnostic accuracy and treatment outcomes.
Additionally
, nowadays, doctors have an advanced knowledge of human body systems and experiences, and they can easily cure almost any type of ailments that have been fatal in the past.
To sum up
,
while
 other growth in technology, transportation, and communication have had significant impacts on society,
also
 the breakthroughs in medical
science
 have been undeniable influences on the health of people over the
last
 two centuries. The discoveries of vaccines and treatments have preserved people from death, and the improvements in medical
devices
 have made it easy to diagnose. I think that in the future,
together with
 the development of artificial intelligence, medicine will make great contributions.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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task achievement
Expand on the specific examples provided to directly illustrate how the breakthroughs in medical science have impacted society. More detailed examples could enhance the argument and support your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph linking words to improve the flow and connectivity between ideas. This will also help in making the essay more reader-friendly.
task achievement
Consider integrating a counter-argument or contrasting view to your main argument to provide a more balanced perspective, then refute or agree with it as necessary. This advanced technique can enrich your essay and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the conclusion summarises the main points of the essay clearly and reinforces your argument. You could also include a statement about the future implications to make the conclusion more impactful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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