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Writing Samples
Band 7

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
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Every so often
success
 is determined by financial stability and assets a
person
 possesses.
While
this
 may be true to some extent, a
person
's
success
 cannot be defined by only the riches he has and it takes a lot of dedication and hard work to achieve it as well. Financial prosperity will only be one side of the scale when it comes to achieving
success
as
Change preposition
apply
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in my view.
Firstly
, it is true that having assets or money is a parameter of being a
success
, but being successful is not only that, but
also
 creating an image or a brand that people will choose on top of their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
For instance
, Steve Jobs was successful in growing a brand and
also
 influencing millions of young people to follow his path which ultimately led them to achieve something great.
Secondly
, it should be measured in the values and the legacy a
person
 leaves behind so that people will embrace the impact. The ingredients of
success
 are a mix of hard work and patience.
In other words
, a
person
 cannot be successful overnight.
To begin
 with, having a dream and goals will only take you to one junction of the road.
Moreover
, a
person
 needs knowledge, discipline and resilience to work hard to achieve something. For example, it took Steve Jobs 25 years to build Apple to become successful with many failed attempts.
Finally
, growing your network will determine the number of opportunities which come your way in today's complex world as well. In conclusion,
Success
 can be gauged with a combination of wealth and values a
person
 creates for society, and it takes optimistic thinking and a positive attitude to achieve that.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that the ideas in each paragraph are smoothly linked to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, provide more varied examples and further develop your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, which adds to the overall coherence of the piece.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as Steve Jobs, effectively supports your main points and illustrates your arguments well.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt, providing a comprehensive response to each question asked.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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