Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some notion believe that it is healthier to do outdoor activities for kids, compared to indulging in indoor
games
. I totally agree with them and here are some reasons showing why it is crucial to motivate children to spend more of their time playing outside. First and foremost, outdoor recreations have many advantages for both physical and mental health. It causes to decrease the risks of some chronic diseases.
For example
: with doing activities like running,
football
Correct word choice
and football
show examples
which require more movements, it would be less likely to become obese (to gain weight).
In other words
, it prevents us from having a sedentary lifestyle which itself causes us to, lose weight and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have optimal blood pressure
while
computer
games
are the reasons for high blood pressure and obesity.
Additionally
, open-air activities help to improve mental well-being as well. Almost all of these entertainments require groups of people.
Thus
, encourages being social having many interactions, and finding friends in real life which in the end prevents our young generation to prevent being alone and lowers the risk of mental illnesses.
On the contrary
indoor
games
especially digital screen life, which is not more than two players in the virtual world. If continued for a long period of time, the person ends up isolated, addicted and gets some serious psychological problems. In conclusion, considering all the pros and cons of both kinds of hobbies, it is very advantageous to inspire the new generation to spend most of their time playing outdoor
games
rather than sitting
Change preposition
in Infront
show examples
Infront
Correct your spelling
front
show examples
of their screens and playing
games
Submitted by zaky987.zaky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure your essay supports each point with more specific, detailed examples. While general statements have been made, including real-life instances or more concrete examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide clear transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using linking words or phrases that guide the reader through your arguments, making your essay more cohesive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: