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Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some think that the other type of progress is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #progress #think #type
It is true that
development
 is required in all nations. Many authorities think that
development
 of the
progress
 is a crucial aim
while
 others opine that there are some other kinds of improvements as same as vital.
This
 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, the government should improve some other parts as economic
progress
such
 as
infrastructure
development
.
This
 means
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
infrastructure
development
 is a mandatory requirement like building new accommodations, road facilities, advanced medical laboratories, schools and colleges, so people do not face any struggles to live.
For example
, India allocates five hundred million dollars for
infrastructure
progress
 in every year's budget
for
Change preposition
so
show examples
 their citizens live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a quality of life. Needless to say, when people have all these amenities meanwhile the country's improvement is going to up standard
otherwise
 still try
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 become a developed nation.
On the other hand
, many ruling parties think the country's
development
 is based on economic
progress
,
therefore
 they spend more amount on improving employment opportunities, manufacturing sectors and tourism in order ro they earn revenue from tax.
For instance
, Sri Lankan government always focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the economic breakthrough, so they invest a huge amount
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving their financial status to get revenue from these sectors.
In addition
, when a nation becomes
progress
 in economics that time it will become a developed
nations
Correct the article-noun agreement
nation
show examples
 among other nations.
To conclude
,
although
 developing the economic breakthrough can earn revenue as tax amount, other parts of equal importance on
infrastructure
 improvement the population have a chance to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a quality of life.
However
, in my opinion, about
this
, I strongly agree with that other parts of the
development
 as equally crucial as the economic breakthrough.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay topic and your main argument clearly in the introduction. In the conclusion, summarise your main points and reiterate your opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more persuasive.
task achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both views and stating your own opinion clearly. Make sure to explain why you hold your opinion and how it relates to the discussed viewpoints.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in your ideas. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and ensure each paragraph addresses a single main idea. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively and enhance the readability of your essay.
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