IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Many museums charge for
entry
 or visits,
while
 others offer free admission. Some
people
 believe that charging is important for the
museum
's survival, but others think free
entry
 is more important. I believe that it is important to charge because, in essence, the
museum
 is like a common business. When
people
 visit a
museum
, they expect an experience and a comfortable atmosphere. To achieve
this
, it is necessary to organize all the internal operations,
such
 as office supplies, staff, and training on how to transform a place into a life experience. In the end, all these things add to the operational costs.
Additionally
, there are plenty of services that the
museum
 needs to be a great place,
such
 as security and cleaning. At the same time,
people
 who like the
museum
 do not visit only once. To keep it attractive, museums must upgrade their exhibits as soon as new facts are discovered, and
also
 invest in research and restoration of historical
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that
entry
 should be free so that more
people
 can access their culture and learn about their origins. In summary,
although
 some
people
 cannot afford to pay for
entry
, others believe that having more attractions is more important. I believe that for a
museum
 to be interesting, it needs to charge for
entry
.
However
, to accommodate those who cannot pay, special or free
entry
 for local
people
 could be created.
Submitted by lucianocamilot on

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task achievement
Try to extend your discussion on the disadvantages of charging for admission. This will ensure that both sides of the argument are equally addressed and will provide a more balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating your ideas more smoothly. This can be done by ensuring all paragraphs are well-linked and your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed explanations or evidence for the points you make about the operational costs and upgrading of exhibits. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and your position, making it easy for readers to understand the direction of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which ties the essay together nicely.
task achievement
You have made a strong case for why museums need to charge for admission by discussing operational costs and the need for upgrades.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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