IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although glabalisation can be positive for some nations' economies, the negative impact on local communities should not be ignored. Do you agree or disagree?

While
Linking Words
globalisation
Use synonyms
 contributes to the economic growth of some countries, some argue that the drawbacks associated with it should not be taken for granted.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement because its disadvantages,
such
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 as the spread of diseases, and damage to the environment, can be detrimental to one country.
To begin
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 with, one of the significant disadvantages of
globalisation
Use synonyms
 is that it can easily transfer disease from one border to another. Because of the ease of travel among nations, the spread of disease became quicker too, which can lead to outbreaks.
For instance
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, the coronavirus has spread quickly to multiple nations and it killed millions of people on the planet. And it took some time before countries were able to recover from
this
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 pandemic.
Thus
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, the detrimental effects of
globalisation
Use synonyms
 should not be overlooked.
In addition
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 to that,
globalisation
Use synonyms
 contributes to the damage to the environment. The investment of rich countries in developing nations allows them to utilize the resources available domestically.
However
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, they may exploit the resources of the local community leaving nothing to them. Companies may prioritize their profit over implementing sustainable practices.
For example
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, most mining companies in the Philippines are owned by foreign investors.
This
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 has led to the deforestation of mountains, and
as a result
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, the country always experiences extreme flooding whenever there is a typhoon. In conclusion, though
globalisation
Use synonyms
 can help improve the economy, its disadvantages outweigh its advantages.
Thus
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, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it,
such
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 as the possible transmission of infections and its negative impact on the environment, must not be disregarded.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments with more complex and varied examples to strengthen your position. Try to illustrate your points with broader, worldwide examples and include statistics or studies where possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a clear structure, you could enhance its coherence by improving the transitions between paragraphs. Consider using more varied and sophisticated linking words to show the relationships between ideas more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion further. For the introduction, consider outlining the specific points you will discuss. In the conclusion, strive for a stronger restatement of your position and a summary of the key points covered.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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