IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the increasing use of smartphones and other mobile devices has led to a rise in technology addiction. They argue that this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #smartphones #devices #rise #technology #addiction
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There is no denying the fact that technology has been a significant part of our society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that smartphones and tablets are being addicted by
people
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 and they are not aware of the peril of these technological, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that smartphones are widespread and it is an issue if
people
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 do not
use
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 them wisely.
To begin
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 with, definitely used
phones
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 and tablets are a more common problem for an enormous number of
people
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 including me.
In other words
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, nowadays, plenty of individuals have
phones
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 and laptops
subsequently
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, helps them to get any order faster and more conveniently.
In addition
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, we should raise awareness about how and when using these devices on social media especially, celebrities can guide
people
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 to convert them into useful tools and enough time.
For example
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, if we let teenagers
use
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 their
phones
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 at specific times and learn new languages or hobbies, we will get a better generation without addiction. Another point to consider is schools and universities have a substantial role in their students. It is
also
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 possible to say that tutors are more convinced than parents to advise their students on how to
use
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 their
phones
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 for a valuable purpose and not to intemperate their own devices.
Moreover
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, the majority of community members rely on
phones
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 to help them to communicate and study with others.
For instance
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, a lot of colleges and hospitals are using tablets to provide information about their needs ,so we must correct
this
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 concept about addiction.
In contrast
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, it is a helpful and effective way to get an idea of what you need. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that technology has a massive impact on addiction and I could not more agree with
this
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 statement.
Furthermore
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, we must understand how and when we
use
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 these smartphones.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Clarify the contrast between opposing views and your stance.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the author's stance.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, acknowledging opposing arguments.
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