IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
A heated debate regarding whether the government should allocate relatively more financial expenditure on
railways
 rather than roads has arisen in the recent period. I concur with
this
 statement to a large extent.
This
 essay argues in favour of economic and green development from a cross-city development. Considering from an economic perspective, the construction of
railways
 poses an appealing effect on tourism. Compared to
road
 travel, it is noteworthy to mention that
railways
 significantly alleviate the constraints posed by time and traffic congestion,
therefore
 enhancing the convenience and desire to travel. To put an illustration, the opening of
Hong
Correct article usage
the Hong
show examples
 Kong-China rail line
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 a mounting of visitors.
In contrast
 to
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
show examples
 of 18-hour drive by
road
 travelling, tourists could commute from Beijing to
Hong
 Kong solely within eight hours,
hence
 attracting more mainland travellers to consume in
Hong
 Kong. In the long run, the city's economic development would be readily elevated by cross-city tourism.
Conversely
, the advocates of
road
 construction argue that the financial affordability of
road
 travelling outweighs
railways
.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, the advantages are far from compelling. In the bigger picture, citizens may consume inevitable costs, namely gasoline and tunnel
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. Take
Hong
 Kong tunnels as an example, the government increases the cross-harbour fee to $65, a price
that is
 next to
costing
Change the form of the verb
cost
show examples
 an arm and a leg. What's worse, the surged percentage of vehicle users contributes to a skyrocketing quantity of non-green gas commission,
further
 worsening
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution and the overheated environment.
On the other hand
, the fuel for
railways
, namely sunlight and electricity,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 designed to be environmentally friendly.
In addition
, the fee is comparatively low. All in all,
while
 proponents of roads deem it as more budget-friendly, the investment in
railways
 would actually
owns
Change the verb form
own
show examples
 long-term upper hand,
such
 as increased tourism and a greener environment. It is advised that the government should plan thoroughly before the actual traffic implementation.
Submitted by lokyiu612 on

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task response
Be sure to fully develop your main points with clear, detailed examples. While the essay includes examples, expanding on these and exploring different dimensions could strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them to improve the flow of your essay. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases.
task response and coherence and cohesion
Although your essay has a defined structure, consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more explicitly outline your argument and summarize your main points, respectively. This will make your stance clearer from the outset and reinforce it at the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
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